I am living now near the Port of Haifa. Moved in February, had a birthday at the new place, started a new Ulpan (intensive Hebrew study) at the University of Haifa. Miraculously placed into level daled, which is the 4th level after finishing something like level 1.5. It's very hard now, but I am working harder; I think I needed a bigger challenge and also maybe being in a University where you recieve a grade makes a difference and where there are higher expectations... and also because I precisely need to pass this level with an 85% or better to be able to get into the Univeristy to do a Master's Degree.

Anyways, yesterday had a conversation at Shabat dinner about non-kosher restaurants in Israel, my friend ordering bacon and eggs really surprized me although I should stop being surprized... I catered an event with shrimps wrapped in bacon. I was explained to that it was a celebration of the helonism (being non-religious) .... maybe like a celebration of freedom of some sorts. I know people celebrate freedom of religion, and now this is freedom from religion (maybe it's where you feel that religion is being imposed on you?) I will ask.
I also was thinking that in some ways, it's like Christians in America, that are not religious and don't believe in Christmas, but celebrate it, it's become a custom and not a religious holiday for them. Same here with the holidays I think. What's the difference and what are the implications of Israelis celebrating our holidays as a religious holiday versus a custom?

Another side-note about the Ulpan, it gives me a reason to get up in the morning. Sometimes it's kind of lonely here.... I think of death sometimes, sorry to say... I made myself promise not to, but the thought enters my mind once in a while... to me it's an indication of not having found myself yet, not really having enough close friends, not having family near by, not having a loved one.... Perhaps having someone to wake up with would fix it, so I hope. A part of me thinks that I should really be able to fix it myself before I meet someone... so that I am not coming into a relationship with such a 'problem'. I think it would add an extra weight on the new person. So, ok I will fight it myself, with the help of friends :) Yesterday I had the feeling when I was with friends, two artist-friends. It's so dead here near the Port on Friday and Saturday, almost not a soul... The businesses are closed and very few people live here.... It's a very surreal feeling - I loose a sense of place and time - I feel like I could be at a different era and I am not sure 'where' I am. I feel disconnected and alone.... and even watching my friend paint another felt like a movie that I was watching but not being a part of. I took some photos. I don't think I can upload at this time.

Haifa University

Today, was a good day that started with yesterday :)

I met a friend from Ulpan and the woman from the Haifa Municipality who has been helping me. She helped my friend as well with answers to questions and contacts. We met at Cafe Neto in Carmel Center, a really nice and funky cafe with indoor and outdoor seating and good food: 11 Moria Ave, Haifa, www.myspace.com/cafeneto. After the meeting, I had a pumpkin soup, whole wheat bread and fresh-squeezed juice as I talked with my parents via video call on my laptop. It was like they were sitting across from me for dinner, but not quiet the same.
After, I went to my friend's place and hung out, had tea, and did homework. I always have a pleasant tired and at the same time happy and calm feeling the day after.
Which is today.
After Ulpan, I went to Haifa University. It's on a mountain-top, almost 1hour bus ride from where I live. Coincidentally, someone I knew got on the bus. She's a substitute teacher for now and we talked about Israeli kids at school and the discipline problems in the classroom which she said was related to society at large, partly to the 'familiar' or 'family' feeling here... that's another discussion. She made a suggestion for my University visit, you'll see below.
At Haifa University, I met with a professor in the Art Therapy program and she was great. On the spot, she looked at my diplomas and the course listings of what I've taken and accepted 3 classes. Which means that now I'll only have to take 3 and not 6 pre-requisite classes: development psych, psycho-pathology, and personality theories. By the way, I am almost decided on studying art therapy as my next step. It's a two-year masters program and I would have to start the pre-req. classes in February, apply to the University in January, take GRE's, and take an entry exam in Hebrew. I think it's going to be a hard road, but I have a feeling that it will be fulfilling. I've always been interested in psychology. I like people and I like to help people, I like art and I already practice art therapy with myself. I think this way / profession will help me to understand myself and others better and G-d willing be able to help. I ask for blessings and support to begin this new road. I always asked myself how art can help people. This is one of the ways. Perhaps I can contribute on an individual level and on a larger scale to this growing profession and do some interesting large projects. For now though, I need to live simply so that I can do this.

The climax of the day was when I followed my friend's suggestion and went to the 29th floor of the Eshkol Tower, the observation floor with all windows allowing almost 360 deg. view of Haifa! I saw Haifa bay, almost all the Haifa neighborhoods, Carmel National Park, the ancient town of Akko, and the white rocks of Rosh-Hanikra. Here are the photos. It was breathtaking.

News:
1.My sister is engaged
2.Israel is mobilized to help me:
a.Volunteer from Haifa Municipality helped me get some 2nd hand furniture - a kids plastic blue table for drawing and a rolling table-like thing.
b.A social worker from the Haifa Municipality introduced me to 2 people: one is involved with Boston/Haifa connection and may do something with/for artists in Haifa/Boston. Hopefully I can be involved somehow.
c.Same woman in (b.) introduced me to a guy that has a gallery on Yerushalaim St. in Haifa. Maybe he'll give me a show, but looking at the stuff he has hanging, it's very Not my style, so he may not want to show my work.
d.Same woman in (b.and c.) introduced me to someone else who gave me an artists' contact in Haifa and will give me other contacts in exchange for speaking English with him.
e.I met with the artist from (d.) and he introduced me to the manager of a community center in Hadar, a Haifa neighborhood, and he may give me a show in the spring. Also, he was very interesting to talk to. And the artist was really nice, I also went to his studio in Nave Sha'anan and saw his works - they were great and actually in a similar style to me.

3. On a sidetrack. I almost called C. whom we broke up with 2 weeks ago since I passed his home on the way to the artist studio, but decided it's best not to. That was hard, I am still recovering from the lovely memories :)

2g.Going back a little in time. My friends, an Israeli couple that I met in Boston invited me to their uncle's house in Haifa for Shabas. It turns out the uncle going to draw models every week at Namala Haifa studio downtown near the Port. This turned out to be 'my' best find so far! I go there every week and it's my connection to artists, chilled out mood, great music, and good company :)
h.Another young woman from Haifa Municipality is helping me with getting information from Haifa University where I am considering doing a Masters of Art Therapy. (?) And she also has an idea that I should do illustrations and she's gathering a list of publishing houses in Israel. Cool!
i.Something I am forgetting. I'll have to add it later.
j.People have been super nice and helpful. For one Shabas I had 3 invitations!
4.Feeling a bit lonely. Trying to figure it out. Pms, depression, not having family around, not having a stable place / base, not knowing what I will do or want to do, loosing a relationship, loosing someone who cared about me and felt familiar to me ...especially from my Russian upbringing: 'wear shoes - don't let feet get cold' 'eat breakfast' i loved it!! made it feel like 'home'
5.I need to invent another idea of home and create a stable home within this instability
Things that I brought with me that give me a sense of home:
a. a few artworks of my friends and one of my works
b.my bicycle
c.pictures of family
d.my shabat candlesticks
e.a few favorite books
f.drawing supplies and paper
g.my computer
Other things I have that give me comfort
a.cell phone next to me in case someone dear calls
b.a clean and orderly room
c.ulpan every morning
d.the sea near by
e.friends
f.distant family here in Israel
g.a cup of tea
Things to acquire
a.comfort with myself
b.feeling like i am enough and adequate
c.feeling confident about the uncertainty of life!
d.i'll take suggestions here

Why do people write blogs?

I am curious why I am writing a blog?
My natural tendency is to treat it as a diary, but I've prevented myself from sending >50% of the entries because they were too raw and I wasn't sure if I should share.
Why not just write in a diary?
So, what is the purpose of this?
I originally wanted to share with my friends especially those in the US my experience of moving to Israel and also to record for myself this very special and important event.
But, I cannot separate my every-day feelings and experiences from the overall/bigger experience of living in Israel.

Bustan HaCarmel

Yesterday I was at an open dance jam at Bustan HaCarmel, Haifa. My friend introduced me to a guy who is 1/2 Jewish and 1/2 Arab (Christian). He was very interesting to talk to. He has views of both sides of the conflict. And in my opinion to the level than none of 'us' (meaning Jews or Arabs or neither) can ever have. He said that he understands and cannot hate or be against either because it's like he is being against himself. And the rest of 'us' even if we think we understand the other side and have Arab or Jewish friends or whatever.... there is still probably something inside... even if it's a preference. And it can be more: mistrust or more: hate. I think I have mistrust and anger, of both sides, but far more of it towards the Arab side. That's why it was really good for me to hear this guy talk and you can feel that he is looking at things so evenly, questioning everything equally. I don't know that I can ever do that.
I know very little about this subject and it's fascinating to me because it is so complex. Sometimes painfully complex and twisted and sad that we have this conflict. Aren't people tired of it and want to live in peace? What are they willing to do/give up for it? If we are talking about real peace then it really doesn't matter what you give up... or does it? But if you mistrust (even for good reasons) then you cannot really compromise fully because you need to protect yourself. Also, we still have our dreams of what we want or love and how we want to live; our philosophy of life. Can two people or two nations live together with different philosophies?
Perhaps if they respect each other's philosophies. And then in their mutual respect and out of respect they can listen/talk/discuss/make suggestions.

Perhaps.
ps. the drawing here i made today, i don't know if it's finished, but that's how i feel.. ok, it's not loading... i keep promising pictures that never come! perhaps next time.
ps2. i recommend going to this free-form dance; it's every Tuesday night at Bustan HaCarmel on the way from Haifa University to Sofia, 10pm - at least 2am.
ps3. i also recommend a dance class in Haifa, contact improvisation, 1 Gordon Street, Nave Sha'anan neighborhood, Ziv Center, Tuesday night, 8pm-10/10:30pm. People from the dance class go to Bustan afterwards.

Just came back from a wedding of my future brother-in-law's brother :)
You can probably hear the hope for the 'future' brother-in-law. If you are close to me, you know the story, if not, you can make one up :P I am not telling here.
It was a wedding in Rishon-L'Zion. The huppa was on the roof-floor, outside :) and the dinner/dancing a floor below. The couple is beautiful and happy. I saw my future brother-in-law's parents who flew in all the way from Boston and I spent the night with them - it was lovely - it was nice to be with close people that love and care about me. I miss that contact. I wish I was a cat or a dog so that people would just come by and say how cute I was and most importantly pet me! Or maybe if I was a kid and people would feel free to hug me and pet me and give me lots of kisses without second thoughts. I wish I could do that for people, but it's not accepted... and I don't think that it would actually work in 'reality'. We'd have to communicate and make an agreement but then other people wouldn't understand it and then we'd have to explain... well, maybe it's ok... but yet other people will think and not say anything to us and we wouldn't have a chance to explain... So what! So what!? I don't know.
I wish I had a nice picture to share, but my camera is re-charging... will put something up later.

Sending you all love and wishing all seekers to find their love soon! And all those with a loved one to appreciate it: it's really a dream come true! ...and then you can create a dream together :)
and generally: enjoy life, it truly is very interesting and special and beautiful: never question that.... it just is... do what you love, if you're tired, then watch from a vantage point until you too are ready to do what you love.

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2months here :)

Today, November 8th is an important day for me.
Two months ago I made aliyah: immigrated to Israel. I left on the 7th of September and arrived on 8th.
It's an exciting day and it's also a day to assess where I am and where I want to go.

This morning I woke up and was very efficient in catching up with emails from friends.
Then, I rode my bike to the beach and found a spot between fishermen and families picnicking. I thought and wrote and came up with an idea for an art show that I would like to do: something resembling a road or way using drawings as lines, maybe buildings too with drawings as windows - the buildings would be painted on the wall probably. I just need a big wall :) I am setting a time for January, to find the space. I also thought of buying a place in Haifa, a live-work studio: something with tall ceilings, lots of light, and a separate sleeping section - or I can build up a loft?! I have to mention that I love Haifa; I am so touched by it visually: the beautiful beaches and the warm sea, the views from the top of Carmel. I also hear that it's inexpensive to buy now. Sharon (my friend from WUJS Arad Arts program that lives in Tel-Aviv) and I were talking about it; she thought that I could use my 401K for a down payment. But it's too soon to say what I'll actually do, this wouldn't be until February or so anyhow. I guess I am trying to establish myself / be permanent somewhere. I had a vision or maybe it was a fantasy of giving birth - I drew it - actually I drew it 1st before the vision - so the vision was my drawing - it's like asking what came 1st the chicken or the egg. But for now, I'm going to hold off giving birth to babies for a year or two, maybe just birth to ideas and the hard labor of love for language/communication, friends, companion, community, job, apartment, etc. :)

Which leads me to share the following:
I am working on an art project addressing the 5 things that I want to work on and wished for on Rosh HaShanah:
1.Peace (inner and outer) 2.Family (old and new) 3.Be Myself (hear myself, speak out, create reality, develop myself) 4.Live in Israel (language, friends, job, work, home) 5.Art (expression, give back to society through the arts)

The actual drawings vary from above; so far I've started:
1. a general one about happy new year and the hope/dreams of the future, 2. peace - like 'wild peace' from the poem of Yehuda Amichai, 3. journey - a flowering expansion with lessons and quotes, 4. open - the imagination and a call to my life companion, 5. a documentation of my creative process (don't know if it'll fit in this series) 6. inner struggle - dark thoughts and cries for enlightenment or clarity !!!